..but there is more to life.

Zouk.Thats where they took me today.They obviously know what I love.
Great.We arent sitting where I used to sit with him.TOO FUCKING GREAT.
They lit the candle and we began the feast.
mama:you're quiet,thats not how birthday girls are
*smiles*..I am not.
one , two , three , half plate.oof.I cant have more.
I put down the fork and began to look around..nice.Nobody familiar.Nice,
mama: you want that packed?
sanu: yup.please.
sanu:I want desert.Chocolate devils;I had always loved it
and I pinned my eyes to the door.
A second later I noticed a few men dressed in aprons standing infront of our table
staring..staring..laughing.
The deserts here
Everyones looking at me
FUCK....No.NO.
Sanu: baba?
..laughing.
SHIT
I could feel my face burn.
I cut the little cake and fed mom hearing the entire area cheer for me.
*tear*...some moments are beautiful.

another ending.

shery ne net use karna tha

.....
The colors around me faded.The words echoing.shery.beenish.
"sanu's the best thing that happend to me."
" beenish's the best thing that happend to me."
"..I will not let her go"
"What are you getting for his birthday"
"surprise!!..hehe"
"hello..amma?"
"he doesent want to talk."
"hes thinking of you"
"beenish is just a crazy girl"

.her eyes started to hurt..burn and she covered her face with her hands.Oof.this pain is..shit.
a steamy tear rolled down.not again sanu.No.No.
she sat in the corner..hid her face in her knees..


..another ending.

I love you,sanu.

hey sanu
hey,
you down again?
nope.
comeon *hugs her smelling her hair*
*tear*
he isnt worth it.
i miss him
move on..
you know im trying,
yes,certainly youre trying,on prayer mats and tasbeeh's? and with duuas of him?
i can hope,
it will lead you nowhere
i beleive..
yes your beleifs..sanu,he was just playing.
his eyes werent.
hes a great liar.
*tear*..what did I do?
..love him,..perhaps..

I am not so sad

=).Lets talk of good things okay?
ahh now you talk business!*rubs hands*
yes..lets see..umm okay I have the loveliest gift ever (taz..i love you..fck that is so damn sexy)..
im going to zouk.."yaaay" . Manu's comming (tripple yaay)..Jitus given me lovely stuff..
and sigh.Nijhu..you arent there =(.
Anyway.Jarar..Youre a sweetie.haha' no..I dont flirt..and youre not goodlooking.(jokes:I have eyes for you)
oof. that crazy usman txed me..*awww* I love him.

..and misha...thats where the rough ends lie.
see,you can't talk good.
I can.Everyone says im fun.
You were.
I still am.
you miss misha.
ofcourse I do..I want to talk to her.
She'd laugh
Yup.
..Wait
Thats what you always say.

*sanu walks out*

I miss you Nijhu

Only a couple of days, only a couple of nights
Within then we shared laughter, tears and fights
I never felt that way before and it just felt so right.

But then u left and I dint even get a bye
U did leave me something though
A wounded heart and a tear in my eye.


I really dont know what to do
I feel hopeless and I dont have a clue
All I can think is what we had meant nothing at all to u.

Our lives were different and so were we
But dint we think that it was all worth it
If we were meant to be?

I thought i knew u...so never listened to what others had to say
I even convinced them and made them realize that
Fate has it's own way...

But then u left, left me all alone
It took me a while to realize that u were gone
Now i m left here feeling like a fool
Holding on to my heart and waiting for it to cool

I could have loved u forever, u could have been the one
It took me a while to realize that u were gone.
well then I finally knew that all these time i was wrong.
So I packed my Dreams, Hopes and Wishes
To find a place for where they belong.

Nijhoom

::..You are a Fantastic writer nijhu.I love this..::

-Sanu.(I miss you sis)

Another evening.

Usman called last night.He's just too bloody sweet.
mY B2000 friends..I love them.I love taz,I love jitu..you remember.=).Im probabbly not dead by now that means.Javeria called,I was just so happy.
But the fact is..that he doesent remember,hes talking,hes happy..I should be too.It's my big day today..but..
He doesent remember me.He doesent even think about me.
Does he?
are you still doubtfull?
i dont know,maybe ..maybe hes a 'little' guilty?
hes not.he would've called if he were.
*sigh*..sanu,i dont know.I miss 30/jan/2004.
It's gone,and thinking about it will NOT make you feel any better
I can smile.
..But you dont.
I do.
Only when you dont think about him,
I ..I'm moving on.
Yes you are.

The call.

will he call?will he not?

stop thinking of it.will you?he wont.and you know it

..i cant help it.i want him to call

there are so many things you want..wait.

how long?

i dont know.

Welcome Sanu

Sigh.Its 4:00 in the morning.Yes,goodmorning Sanu.theres nothing good about it.but yes,smile.that's you.=).I know youre starving,I am too.I miss you.*its so cold here*
another birthday tommorow,Its nothing like last year.Its nobody this time.Me you the candles.Happy Birthday sanu.I know you hate it when I say that.
You are loved

-Your cake