Weird.

Life just keeps getting weird and weird and weirder everyday.
It was all so messed up.I banged into misha yesterday and guess what,I didnt even look at who it was and apologised.And our eyes met.And we stared..blankly..but I ran to where I had been going.

Later yesterday It kind of turned out to be worse.
That pen I'd been looking for the owner of,It was actually hers and when infront of everyone she said it wer mine.I turned around.
LOL.could you believe I goofed up like that?
.
Anyway,
Im trying for A's.Trying to get back to normal.
I'm afraid If I dont,It will be too much.
Just too much.
Comeon A's.

I want to smile.

.

Its rather strange.
Whenever I manage to stay happy theres this somebody around me who cant help it.
I went to xenia's barfday.
Vicky had to be there.For a second I felt my heart sink,because there mere resemblance between the brothers made me think I had seen him.
But no,It was'nt him
Why would it be anyway.

My tongue,I cant hold it in place.
Im too much of a fool.Say anything that comes to me.
I ended up calling them 'Paindus' on their faces.
I dont even know them.
But you know me ..I never meant it in a bad way,or said it to them
Yes you did'nt
then why am I feeling bad.
Probabbly because shery might know of this
I dont care.
I know you do.Why else would you be so bothered.

I feel bad.Heavy.
I never meant it for them.
Heck no I will NOT cry.

A 'Little' About 'ME'

grr.
I'm so idle these days.Expect anything from me.
well,not exactly idle,but yes umm...I want to talk to people.
So this is what a kid does when he has nothing better to do.
Fill up silly forms at forums.

10 things that scare me:
going to hell
Not getting the guy I love
Being hurt
Snakes
doing something bad and being caught
srk dying
Making mistakes
my mom's temper
falling in love
hurting anyone
9 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
Eyes
Their voice
Their attitude
Umm..Good hair.(lol)
Their morals
Honesty
Nice arms
umm..a good brain
Good smell
8 things i love:
Allah
My family
My country
My ex boyfriend
Shahrukh khan
My hair
My eyes
Chocolates
7 things i hate:
Posers
People who 'act' smart
Lying
Lizards
arrogance
very mushy guys
guys in TIGHT clothing
6 random facts about me:
I dream alot
I cry alot
I laugh alot
LOL
I hope.
I keep every fucking thing to myself
5 things i plan to do before i die:
Get famous
Feel loved
Tell everyone what they mean to me
Ask Allah to spare me
Pray to him to keep my family and 'him' happy (and that they miss me when im gone)
4 things i wanna do right now:
Smile
Talk to a friend
Think of good things
Sleep
3 things that annoy me:
My internet
Chat centres
Perverted Bastards
2 things i can do:
Cry
Make others laugh
1 thing i can't do:
Forget

.:.

Its amazing,how you hear me Allah
Before I'm even done you do it for me
I love you.
I pray you listen to me there too.Please

Was taking him away your tactic?
I'm sorry God.

I will be loyal.

haha,pagal shan is back with his golgappas.
Sweet.

Just came back.Still in my uniform.
I've noticed something.The sun does make me look pretty
Anyway,Yes the test sucked.Yes I did'nt know what to do and Yes,I did it faithfully.
I came across this article today,So true.So fucking true
Okay yes,I almost broke into tears but no,you know I dont let people see.
You know.Nobody knows.You're my friend.
You really are.
Because all this,all this I say to you.Only you. =)
but I'm sad.Because I need a shoulder..no I do'nt plan to cry.I just need a friend
Somebody who'd ask me to calm down.Somebody who wants me.
I just want a hug and somebody to rub my arm when I'm down.

But Im afriad.
I wont ever be able to give that space to anyone.
It belongs to me.
I'm scared.

..scared to be left.

I've done it again.

Nida's orkut was on.
I could'nt help it.Could'nt help hitting it..just to I dont know why.
and there.there..I almost came across shery's pic.But before It could d'load,I shut it.
I dont know why I have this tear in my eye now and the urge to go check his scrap out.
See if he's missing me.
Are you shery?Do you think of me?Do you remember anything?

..Are you sorry?

..I knew you wouldnt reply.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Im going young.I act like a kid most of the time.
What's going on?
I dont know.
This is not how you forget.Or do you not want to forget in the first place?
I can't seem to get him out.
Everyday.I cry everyday.
what the fuck . Sana?
dont call me that
Sanu?
=)..I wish I could talk to somebody
*hug*

Identity sharing?

http://www.google.com.hk/search?hl=en&q=%5BMiss.UnderstooD%5D&meta=

Darn! =S

..

Fuck Fuck Fuck.

The world is such a shitty place where nothing goes your way.NOTHING.
I probabbly either get too annoyed or everything just doesent compliment me.
That bloody guy..I wish I couldve slapped him right there.He cut my hair.
Bitch!
Its waist length now..and hahahahahaha HA.guess what?
Yes,I'm too much of a crybaby.FUCK FUCK FUCK.
God..I hate this.
*Sigh*..why is it never the way I want it.
Either I stop wanting,but that wont be possible too.
Now that maryam wants to see me tommorow,so that I can help her with her debate.
GREAT.Yeah.Simply GREAT.
I'm what..a social servant?

Why is it that I'm always the one doing everything myself and when these morons ask me..I just cant fucking say 'No'.
I guess I'll have to work with her anyway today.

Im hungry.*Sigh*

Usman Farooq where are you?

2AM in the morning he calls me..tells me hes in karachi and...tada the phones disconnected.
And now..I cant go to bed
*throws everything at him*...Loser!!
hehe,I love you..

Another weekend"bubye"

How I wish I had balloons in my hand now and wave,smiling saying 'BYE BYE' weekend.
but NO..

I am exceptionally down..*sigh*
why do you do this to yourself sanu?
because people dont hide things.they tellme everything..and if they dont tellme,they show it.and they know it disturbs me.
*sigh*

I've been down.Very down lately..ended up crying at shery's snaps yesterday.
I cant beleive I still have them.
I dont know..I just..this is too much.Its almost two months now for Godsake why cant I be just normal?
Why?....Why me God.
I've been crying alot..ALOT lately..my eyes hurt now..they really do.Tayyeb and Misha..was too much of a shock.Too much.I cried.
Its so silly how we plan everything and bang! things just mess up.I still remember misha,both of us I still remember our dreams.Everything.

..
I just want to run away.I just want to leave this place.I really do.Everything here,brings back stuff.Brings back so much.
Stuff I want to forget.
YOU DONT WANT TO SANU.YOU DONT WANT TO.
maybe I dont.
I'm going to work for the scolarship now.I need to get out of here.I'm just stuck up here..between life and darkness.Still.
So still.
"whatever happened to that beautiful smile sanu?I dont seem to see it"
Yes pia.I dont seem to find it too.

Where is the rewind button?

This is so not possible.
Not possible.

Life can be so tricky,so unbeleivable..and so..weird.And yes it cheats you over and over again.
Is it just me or does everyone have a false judgement of everything around them?
This..everything is so wrong.

I talked to tayyeb today.I just cant beleive they broke up.
I just can't.I mean no..this is not possible.
He loved her so muchh..
but what he told me would'nt be a fake reason either.It was inevitable.
Anyway you know what makes me laugh so hard I tear?
haha,they broke up two months ago.
LOL.haha.how fucking unbeleivable.
Sana,misha,
lmao.
they go out on the same dates
they have the same dreams
they ..theyr left alone at the same dates
*looks up* "I love your sense of humor"

I'm sorry Misha,Tayyyeb..haha.Im sorry .The four of us have much in common.

OH MY GOD.

Oh My GOD.
Really,Oh MY GOD.
Shit.
After like centuries im so happy.I just cant beleive this..
Misha's unblocked me just now?After what seven months?
Allah,please give me my friend.Please.Allah,

Say Hi.
Misha..Say Hi.

err

...and my uploading accounts seem to have frozen.

(grrr) woof!!

Couldnt sleep last night.
Usman had to go today,we talked all night.lol he is one crazy guy.Yes you are usman farooq.
I dont know,hes probabbly the only person after mani I laugh with.I dont know.
Hes probabbly gone now but you know what?
Thanks,because..I can see you care and because what you told me the other day certainly made me want to imagine.Again So yes,I love you *hugg*
and I couldnt go to school AGAIN.thanks to you again (Y) haha.
Next weekend is Xeno's barfday.Hmm,nice.
Lets hope we party.haha,whats a party without sanu.
=)

The end of another day.
great.What did sanu do today?
well,she spent almost five hours with mani,saw two great movies and took a day off.
Now,Now Is'nt that a treat?
Yes it is.
Im happy,
=).

Another of my health problems and yes I am literally tired of them
I was'nt feeling well,yes my aches again,Hadnt had something since last night.
So slap me hard for this because the first time I took an aspirin from someone and that too,empty stomached.
You were only trying to make yourself feel better.It is not your fault.
I shouldve known I cant take medicines.
Anyway,so I took the aspirin.five..ten..fifteen.I started sweating.In winters,WITHOUT a single heater in the room.
I started to sweat BAD,feeling restless.
The class was on,naturally I had to shutup so I waited.Waited for it to cool down and in a seconds time,my body temperature fell.fell bad.I was shivering of cold.My feet frozen
Miss Fareeha,I need to go to the liabrary.
What's wrong.
I dont know

I had almost left when Sarah asked me if I were okay.
They said I looked pale.And dizzy.
So they sent Zara with me.The liabrary held the singing session so there was no point in lying down there.
I could walk no more.My legs hurt.
Call home.You look sick.

and when I did go to call, the head shouted.
"Oh my God what is wrong with you??She looks so pale"
I...I'm feeling cold.Very cold.
and they made me sit in the sun where I threw up(grrr) and later, amma came.


My Blood Pressure had fallen.BAD.

Astaghfar

Nida,Usman..what is this?
wait.
the crackling sound made me weak in my knees.My head was spinning.Unable to think what was happening I yelled to usman on the phone
Usman what is this?
Earthquake..I'll call you in a minute.
He cut the phone.The noise managed to make me deaf for a second and I began to weep.Astaghfarullah Astaghfarullah.Spare me Allah.Spare me.
The shaking wont seem to end.My entire body trembling.
Silence.
But the vibrations kept on.
Is it over? I asked nida,weeping
Haan.
Unable to move shivering violently I sat up in my bed and cried.
Astaghfarullah.
..

That was last night.
Never had I been so frightened by anything.
I dont know why I began to cry..and that too hysterically.I've become too weak..and too easily scared.
But this was the first time I broke into tears due to an earthquake.
I've changed.

Surprise parties.

why does everything have to keep comming back to sanu?Everything just cannot bear a smile on sanu's baby face.
Why am I thinking of surprise parties?
because theyr planning one at mishas place..for mallo's boyfriend and hopefully tayyeb too.
I felt so weak then.Reminded me of how I'd been planning one for him for so long.(he did'nt even bother to talk)
*sigh*.
I never knew I had this good memory.

cold.

Why the fuck is this like this?why cant I just be happy?
Why the heck do I have to start crying on the pettiest of things.This was never me.Sanu was never this way.
I'm supposed to laugh forheavensake.
thheres something missing.Theres this space I just cant fill out.
Sanu,you basically need a hug.a tight hug so that you cry all you want to and then for fucks sake be happy.
Its just so cold here.
Its cold everywhere.I'm such a dull eyed not myself anymore.

come monday,come.

Its 6:21 am,Monday morning and Sanu's up WITHOUT an alarm.Fuck my sleeping habbits.
Plus Its so chilly right now.
I talked to Usman last night,he seemed fine with me.Well that's not how It goes,he expects me to apologise when I wasnt even a part of anything.
Anyway,Its the beginiing of another week.Let's hope it goes fine.'fine' ; I hardly use that word anymore.lol
ahh,I get up and see pia and nissan fighting over me.
sheesh.
I am wanted.

Misha.

Isnt that misha?
Yup
She was looking at you
I look at her too
but you dont talk?
No.

I dont know why misha,I get this feel of you wanting to talk to me too.
I hope I'm not imagining it.

I miss you.

Yes,too much repitition

What about shery?
what about him?
any signs of you two getting back together?
He's dating the girl I thought he was.Beenish.
tch.*hugs*..sab theek hojayega.

This morning..

Danu: Who doesent love you?
Me: LOL.nothing.
Danu: tellme oye!!
Me: Shery,..lol he ditched me.
Danu: Why?
Me: I dont know,bored?
Danu: Of you?
Me: probabbly.
Danu: but he loves you
Me: He'd been seeing someone else
Danu:OMG.

Danu:Sanu vill ju be my valentine!
Me: haha,pagal *kiss*I thought I already was.

Sanu is a what?

HAHA.how unbeleivable
BT's #1 flirt .Two votes for sanu?
what..?I'm only into women,I dont even remember the last time I flirted with a man :O .Pagal!!

BEST COUPLE: Sanu and her forty thousand wives. Oof!!.

You made sanu cryy!!

OMG.I just read nijhu's mail.
I cant beleive this.You are one crazy girl nijhu.Pagal!!
Ali mailed her.He isnt married.See,Id been telling you that from day one.Pagal.
She just made me cry again..lol *khushi kay ansu* pagal
Now youre going to call me on your wedding.No?

=).I am so very happy.I knew ali werent a moron.

Sanu Sanu Sanu Sanu.:I love you sanu.

Lol.We had the farewell yesterday.No,I did'nt dance.I was the host =)
Yes we had fun but then again,Sanu was weally pissed off.
I mean I get there and I see the whole thing in a mess WTF?I was never supposed to do the decor.I had to do It anyway.No Pressure,Just Sanu's mind wouldnt stay without fixing the stuff.
Announcements: AHHH,I felt like stabbing each one of them.Im yelling for the list and nobody's bothered.
wahaha.LOL.Anyway I cant deny I enjoyed the skit.
I talked to Misha,I cant beleive she answered
Well,It was more of a little talk like what's next but *sigh* It felt nice.I love you Misha.I love you.
I dont know what's wrong with my peanut brain.I keep dreaming about Misha/Shery hugging me every night.I just dont know whats wrong.Im supposed to LIVE.No?
9:41 In the morning and I've fought with mama.Ive cried too.What a great start to a 'I-wanna-take-a-break-day' (like you suggested rizvi.
lol.
No I really am laughing now.

The seven DEADLY sins?

You're Sloth Wakey wakey! It's time to get energised and put some va-va voom into your life. Take a walk, get out of bed earlier and shake your moves. Life has so much to offer - but you're too busy snoozing to make the most of it.

HAHA,sanus sloth noway.*BAD BAD BAD TEST!*

Pia.

Chapter one: Pia thinks sanu has changed.

Perhaps she has,Im obviously nothing like two years ago.Hmm,maybe I have.I'm wondering if it is a good one.
Lets see where I have changed.
Umm..
Im taller
I am definitely quieter (as if I am)
I dont dream
and umm..I keep getting practical everyday

so see pia.Sanu has changed.lol
hmm,I will have to talk to pari for that.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nissan: Lol..every post of Sanu's is so fun..I dunno, you seem like a fun girl. Do you party a lot?
Pia:she used to be so different....not that this or that is bad...lekin..just different...
Weenu:haha yup...so true...i even was like...WOW...sana grew up quick! lolshe was so much more timid before

oof pia,This is the second time you said that.I need to see you now *worried*

Its raining men

Ahh its raining today *jumps*.Just came back from dance practice.It was 'FUN' .yes yes,for a change I did'nt feel bad.Mallo talked to me.Although it was just a sentence,I kinof thought maybe...yes you know where Im comming now dont you?lol.
A kind word of appreciation is all Sanu needs.*sigh* she doesent get that too often thou.Anyway It kinda felt like myself.
Keep it this way.I love it.=)

ps: STUPID MONITOR.WHAT IS WROONGGGGG WITH YOUU?

Sanu looks sucky.

I got my eyebrows done today.I look like shit.
I shouldve never gone,I was pathetic before..now im horrible.
I look dull today.pale maybe? wtf is wronggggggggggggggggg??
Yes Yes..Basant night.like always we have a "party"..lol I hope sanu has fun,she hardly has fun anymore.
Im tired.*Sigh* my body hurts..ouch! Ive been working for the decoration the entire afternoon.I NEED bed!!
I dont know why I'm craving for chocolate ice-cream right now.I so do want it.
..Anyway,lets hope Sanu feels "good":for a change:

Bad Habbits.

s 7:05 am and I'm up.what the fuck is wrong with me?
Its nomis birthday on sunday.She'll be one.aww billies so lucky shes got an adowable kid.sigh.That reminds me of the plans I had,with him.lol.'little sherys'.*sigh*.I wish youd come back.I wish.You really put life into me.Im supposed to hate you for doing that to me.
I cant.
I wish you talk to beenish and in the end of the day you go 'my choii was so much more love'
I wish.
I hope you realise I still love you.I Hope you think about me but I guess I'm getting nowhere.
.

You dont remember me.

The Picture.

I ended up crying last night.this is too hard sanu,just too hard.I thought of that group picture of ours.remember?where misha hugged me?yea..I miss everything so much.Im such a bitch to screw it all up for his sake
NO youre not.You were fooled.Remember?
but they didnt do it.
It isnt your fault either
But I want my friends
Its probabbly too late
stop doing that.It isnt.
Face it.

The loose knots.

Yes,Esha was back..with all her boytalk.FUCK.when will people realise im having just too much of it?
Yes yes,She was with me..for an hour..telling me how everyguy runs after her..(and i hate to bear it)..but ahh,finally I made my escape (thumbs up to Mariahs mom).Too tired.the bloody cramps are just too much..I realised I couldnt walk anymore.
There was the perfect spot,the football net ..ahh in the sun.lovely.I settled down and began to search for sarah..I dont know why,I wanted to tell HER everything.I feel this sensation of wanting my friends every now and then.
No luck.Shes probabbly gone.
Resting my head in my lap i kindof dozed off for a minute or two and was up when she called me.
Oh damn.
A conversation of what..two minutes?
'hows life?'..I dont know If im imagining it or it was there but I felt that little feel of wanting to share everything of mine.
She probabbly knows.
Oh comeon she would.
But as usual..I lost my gut sanu..I really did.and lied everything was fine.
I wish we couldve talked for a minute or two..I felt she'd open it all up but ahh..mama was there to pick me
*mwah*..take care Sarah.
--
Im waiting for saturday now,I hope to tell her everything.You know sanu..its just so lonely..and so empty
My world is all of a sudden so..different.
I miss misha so much..I was probabbly to blame for everything.I shouldnt have trusted him in the first place.
Hes left me so unfinished.
Haha,I remember nijhu telling me.'Hes going to regret everything one day.'
Im not sure nijhu,Hes probabbly happy right now..chilling with his friends
Making plans for sunday...with me..mourning over myself.
They say I should be happy if he is..but everytime I see his bitch,think of them together..It makes me so invisible..
So not there.I dont know if I can listen to the same songs shery,I really dont know.
..I still love him.

W.O.W

wow.
guess what?Im talking to nijhu..Oof today is just too good.*tear* I love you so much nijhu,I really do.*sigh...*
haha,nijhu..you are too much of a jaan,always positive..and I hate you for that..because we've got a mirror that seperates us..lol.
she tells me he didnt wish me because he thought I'd ignore..lol *hugs nijhu*
and I have to (lol) tell her hes seeing another girl.lol
"oh chup
he said he loves u remember"
i saw him write the same stuff he used to write to me a year ago for her now.lol

N i j h u True love is knowing a person's faults and loving them even more for them
^finally.This bar goes up.

why do I have to repeat everything a gazillion times.*sigh*
sanu,you're such a fool.
.
and I show her his girl..and she says how she cant beleive it.
I cant beleive it either nijhu.
..and I tell her he registered as her fan..
and shes quiet.
..another silence..
another ending...just fresh tears this time.

haha.I can speak!!

Just when I thought I'd lost my voice,It came back to me..LOL.
that always happens.I spoke up today,told them I hated them for not involving me in the farewelll shit.I dont think im going to dance too,
oh yes you are.You love it
sorry,but i dont want to do it with them around
so what?
second line?
Sanu,you and ego?
no ego,I dont want to fucking feel less important anymore,anyway I deserve the first one
But you want to participate,
I will compare,
Are you sure that will take place?
oof.I dont know,I dont care.
Liar.

anyway,it felt good today,(fuck the fact i've cramps in my legs)
Haha,i dont know ive begun to feel..sweet.lol,the way everyone comes up to sanu to say 'hi' ps:everyone means the 'kids'
Mrs.Shazad has started to love me.(yes,donations and now cleaning the stadium).It was fun with amna and sarah,(khan)..its always fun with them,because they dont bitch..and because theyve got good things to talk about.ahh see,no bitching..oof yes.aww sarah,i wish i could crown you miss LGS par *argh* that bitch aminah would get it.yeah i know,i predicted that longgg ago.

invisible

sucky.
just too sucky.
I hate how I have to face you misha,
I hate it.
I hate it when you look at me.
I hate it when I have to agree to something of yours and I cant speak out.
I hate it when I have to sit quiet
....I hate it..when its you and sarah sharing secrets
....I hate it when I have to hide my pain.

he left me with nobody to cry with.

nobody to talk to.

Vicky,Misha,Sarah,Sehrish..Nida..

I dont know why I still dont hate him.I just dont know.

get well soon,hand.

*hug*..
Usman called me today.As usual,sanu feels guilty she didnt.*sigh*..anyway this pretty much explains where he was for the past two days,
poor thing he hurt his hand.oof.five stiches.ouch..

get well soon hand.my friend is too sweet to be hurt.=).